The Second Betrayal: When You Divorce and Your Community Turns on You
A letter to the women being crucified for leaving- like Senator Angela Paxton
When news broke that Senator Angela Paxton had filed for divorce from Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton after 38 years of marriage, the public reaction said everything.
But the backlash wasn’t aimed at the man accused of a long-term affair.
It was aimed at her.
“He betrayed you.
They blamed you.
This is the second betrayal.”
She was labeled godless, vindictive, despicable — accused of sabotaging a marriage that was already desecrated by betrayal.
Meanwhile, Ken Paxton — the man who reportedly broke his vows and abused public trust—was met with prayers, endorsements, and sympathy. His longtime affair partner is now celebrating on social media, and people are still pledging to vote for him.
This is what I call the second betrayal.
The first betrayal is what your partner did.
The second betrayal is how your community responds when you say enough.
When Betrayal Isn’t Enough
If you’re a woman who stayed, who tried to forgive, who bent over backward to preserve the marriage — and then, when you finally left, were treated like the villain?
You are not alone.
I work with women around the world who have been emotionally wrecked not just by infidelity, but by the backlash that came when they spoke the truth.
“God Hates Divorce”—Actually, No.
Let’s tackle the phrase that gets used like a spiritual club:
“God hates divorce.”
It comes from Malachi 2:16 and has been misquoted, mistranslated, and misused for generations.
Modern translations reveal something different:
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord,
“does violence to the one he should protect.” — Malachi 2:16 (NIV, 2011)
Scholars like Marg Mowczko have shown that this verse is actually about condemning male betrayal — not divorce itself.
In plain language: God doesn’t hate divorce. He hates betrayal and the violence that leads to it.
Emotional Abuse Is Grounds for Leaving
You are not obligated to stay in a marriage that destroys your sense of self.
Emotional abuse — the gaslighting, control, criticism, and manipulation — is not “just marriage stuff.”
It’s abuse. And it is biblically valid to walk away from it.
Leslie Vernick writes that reckless, demeaning words “pierce like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18), and that spiritual betrayal can be just as damaging as physical harm.
Russell Moore, former Southern Baptist leader, agrees:
“Divorce in the wake of domestic violence is not sin. The sin lies with the abuser, not the one who walks away.”
This Isn’t About God. It’s About Patriarchy.
When a woman says, “I can’t do this anymore,” and is met with silence, blame, or abandonment — ask yourself:
What are these people actually protecting?
Because it’s not her.
And it’s not truth.
It’s a system — and that system is patriarchy.
These are not confused communities.
They are conditioned to protect male reputations at all costs — to see a woman’s dignity as disposable and her silence as sacred.
They are not defending marriage.
They are defending control — dressed up as doctrine.
To the Woman Who Walked Away
If your church stopped calling...
If your friends pulled back...
If your family now sees you as the problem...
Let me be clear:
You didn’t destroy the family. He did.
You didn’t betray your vows. You honored them longer than he did.
You didn’t fail. You survived.
Your healing is not a threat.
It is sacred. Holy. Necessary.
I hope that Senator Paxton has a strong support circle that will help her as she walks through the next steps of her recovery.
Need Help Reclaiming Your Voice?
Every woman heals differently. Some freeze, some rage, and some go silent for months before whispering the first word of truth.
If you’re wondering what kind of support you actually need — I made something for you.
👉 **Take the “How I Heal” Quiz** to discover your unique self-care style and needs based on your personality type.
It’s short. It’s validating. It’s yours.
🛡️ Final Word
Let them rewrite the narrative.
Let them defend what looks good on the outside.
You get to write your own story.
You were never crazy. You were never selfish.
You were right to leave what was hurting you.
Your healing is holy.
Your survival is sacred.
And your voice? It’s not the threat. It’s the reckoning.
Coming Up Next on Still Angry:
When Women Get Angry — and the World Calls It Rebellion
Because after the silence comes the rage.
And guess what? That fire is not the problem — it’s the truth.
This is such a good read and such an important message of how those who have been harmed continue to be harmed by the very community that should protect us.